If I died today how would they remember me?

This is a story about an eight year old boy. He was an ordinary boy that spent every moment playing outdoors his skin was very brown and his hair was almost white from the sun. He lived in a typical neighborhood in a middle class suburb. There were a lot of kids in his neighborhood many of them were older than him but he had several good friends. Many of the older boys bullied him and his friends. His sister was five years older than him and was very smart. His parents lost their first son as an infant which made his mother very protective of both children. The first sign of any illness the boy was off to see the doctor.


When he was eight his father became very ill. After many surgeries and treatments the doctors in Kansas City could do no more. When all hope seemed lost a doctor presented a long shot that the Mayo Clinic had only tried six times before. After being given three options; do nothing, go to Mayo’s and either come home paralyzed, dead, or maybe with some variation of the two. My father and mother chose to take a chance and have the surgery. After church and Sunday dinner while the boy’s mother cleared the table the boy’s father sat down with a yellow office tablet and told the boy and his sister all three options and the plan to go and even who would be his pale bears at his funeral and what suit in his closet he would wear. He explained to his children how they would have to take care of each other and that the boy had to be the man of the house. Shortly after that dinner they left for Mayo Clinic and weeks, months passed and the children’s mother stayed by the children’s fathers’ side the entire time. The children had their grandparents to take care of them. Later that summer they got good news the surgeries had been successful and they would be home. The father worked for JC Hall at Hallmark Cards, Mr. Hall picked up all the bills including the mother’s hotel bill that insurance did not pay. The father worked for Hallmark for nearly 42 years before retiring. Shortly after returning to home the boy’s grandfather suddenly died of a heart attack which was devastating to the entire family but also had a huge impact on both the boy and sister since he had such a huge role in raising both of them.

During the next half a dozen years or so the boy struggled at school and just everyday life more than most kids and since he was smaller in size than most the neighborhood bullies took advantage of him and picked on him more. He was very fearful of everything.

Many years pasted. In his mid-teens he discovered he was a very good at worker and found out that he was good at selling stuff door-to-door. Every job he had he seemed to excel and often was praised for doing the work faster and with high standards. He found that he retreated to working since he felt safe there.

Then in his late teens and early twenties something snapped inside of him not only did he become physically larger and in good shape but he became fearless, confident, those who knew him then might even say over confident. He believed he could and would do anything he wanted too. Often he did. He was very goal reinvented and reached almost every goal he had set for himself. Repeatedly, he pushed himself to the edge and then some more. He loved it! Hungered for it!



Once out of college he continued with that hunger going a thousand miles an hour was not good enough he had to be on fire while going 1000 miles an hour with hand grenades in both hands with the pins pulled. He fed on conflict and rejection as a salesperson turning it into production and profit.

A warrior, pit bull, a salesman were the names that people might have used to describe him as well as a professional, many of his fellow professionals would tell potential clients that it is not “if” you buy from him but it is “how much” you buy from him. He was not pushy, He was confidence, He was informative, He educated, He helped and most of all he cared and listened. His clients loved him and they responded by not only buying from him but also becoming friends with him.

Suddenly one day he had this intense headache. It lasted three days. After the headaches started he was able to power through them. He was taught that you worked! You did not lie down or you would die. That was his mantra. So, he did not lie down. Years pasted, the headaches continued to come more frequency and intensity. He continued to work but also searched for answers seeking out doctor, clinics, chiropractors, and more.

His worst nightmare was returning from his childhood to haunt him. A family with a sick father but now he was the sick father. He recalls the fear he had as a child nearly afraid of everything. Now he was fearful not of the pain but what it would do to his children and his wife. Years past while he continues to work with the headaches trying every possible solution he was even diagnosis with chronic Lyme disease. This required extensive treatments for six months that forced him to stop working. He sold his ownership to offset expenses and accepted a handshake from his partner that he would have a job when he finished treatment. After treatment he wanted to return to work but was fired instead.

Between the shock of being fired, the treatment, and still having daily chronic pain and headaches he reluctantly accepted that he should apply for disability which was a very hard for him to consider. However, it was best for his family.

Now it has been over twelve years. When you speak with him he has no fear of pain although he still lives with it daily. He actually will tell you he has no fear of anything. He uses to be afraid of flying and is not anymore. He does not fear anyone or anything including those bullies. In some ways he says he actually looks for ways to face his fears. When asked why? He comments, “Because it cannot hurt me anymore than I hurt now.” He continues by saying, “I don’t cry for myself but only for those who love me.”

Today he spends his days trying working on improving his health and taking care of those that he loves. Each day he makes an effort to do at least two acts of kindness for someone he knows and two acts of kindness for someone that he does not know. It would be easier for him to be bitter and mad about his health and the way his partner treated him. Instead he has chosen to believe that Karma will take care of the past. Although his health does not allow him to go a thousand miles as a salesperson and a successful business man it is his belief that there is a blessing in what has happen to him. Many have heard the old saying that God does not close a door without opening a window. In many ways this is exactly what has happen.

This story is for my kids with the sole purpose of trying to explain the past, present and future with the hope it will help them find the path to their own happiness as they become adults. I have always loved to work and found it to be one of my passions. Being a hard worker has always given me great confidence. However, for whatever reason my headaches are currently not going to permit me from continuing down that path. Being one of two children that grew up with a father fighting an illness deep down I guess I hoped that my kids would never know that fear and pain. I also did not know it but in some ironic subconscious way I prepared myself in the event I to become ill.

After much reflection though I know now that I was consumed with work and loved being successful and in a twisted way I had my priorities twisted incorrectly. I thought I was being a good father since I was being a good “provider.”

Kids that is why I challenge you now, tomorrow, and into the future to find a job that gives you happiness and allows you to make others happy. Ask yourself if I die tomorrow how will they remember me? Remember to be kind to both those you love and to those stranger the more you give better you will feel. It is also true good things happen to good people. Be truthful, strong, and polite. Be strong, fearless, and when required forceful. Always love, listen and find happiness.

If I had died while I was working I would have been remembered as a hard working, persistent, successful salesperson. Today, if I died I hope that I would be remembered for being a good friend, father, husband and a good man.



John Dale

2009